You Are Looking So...

Dear dedicated reader,

And then, of course, there are the days when it is not me making the mistakes.

“Do you want to weigh yourself?” The principal asked me recently.

The question was put to me as I sat in the living room of his family’s house, watching a commercial for Chik Chik hair shampoo in the interval of the Hindi TV serial which Melissa and I have become absolutely addicted to called “Balika Vadhu”.

I couldn’t have heard that right. “Sorry, what did you say?” I asked him politely, turning away from the TV as the pale-skinned actress’ hair bounced in silky, shiny playfulness, enticing young women everywhere to buy Chik Chik.

“I was asking, do you want to weigh yourself?” He repeated, his kind smile lighting up his whole face as it usually does.

“Weigh myself,” I repeated, trying to maintain a dead pan.

“Yes, we have just gotten a scale.”

“And you are looking so thin now,” Sejalben piped in, looking up from the test papers she was grading.

“Well, uh, thank you,” I said, embarrassed. “But I think I’ll be all right. Also, won’t it be in kilograms?”

“Yes, but that is no problem,” the principal said with a wave of his hand. “Yashpalbhai (Sejal’s husband) will convert it to pounds for you.”

I looked over at Yashpalbhai, who was sitting on the couch, and he nodded agreeably.

“You can do it now, if you’d like,” the principal continued. “We have the scale right here.” He indicated a corner of the room.

“Uh…” What to say? “I think I’m all right. I mean, uh” Stall, stall! “The commercial break is almost over…”

“No, you are fine, go ahead,” he urged.

“Well, I… what if I don’t want you to know the number?” I said slyly, smiling.

Everyone laughed.

“As you wish,” he replied with the same kind smile.

Phew.

However, lest my head get too big, Manishbhai, the fruit-seller in the village who is studying English so he can go with his 3 year old son to Australia, stopped us in the bazaar yesterday (not an unusual occurrence, he pounces on us every time he sees us).

“Madam,” he said, waving us over to his and his mother’s fruit stall with a smile, “I am feeling so happy to see you today.”

I returned the smile, warily. “Thank you. How are you?”

“Madam, today I am feeling so happy because I am meeting you,” he said exuberantly.

“Uh, that is great,” I said, shooting Melissa a look. We were just turning to go when he started to stutter.

“I think, Madam,” he began, “that when you are coming here… when you are coming here, you were looking… (he struggles for a word) so ….thin. And now you are looking so (He moves his hands apart in a growing gesture, still struggling) ….fat. You are looking really beautiful madam.”

There was a long pause where he looked pleased with himself for getting the whole sentence out.

“I… uh, I honestly don’t know what to say to that,” I said truthfully. Then, Uh, “I’d better be going.”

“Have a nice day, Madam!” He called after us cheerfully.

I’m still not sure I have the hang of Indian compliments.

Best,
Cat


P.S. I'll be in Mumbai from tomorrow morning till Sunday, September 28th, so check back then!